A new road

I have to admit to all of my fellow runners that I have been a bit lax in my running the past couple of weeks. The rest of my life seems to be interfering with my running life. You see my oldest was wrapping up his freshman year at Tulane University and I have been working on an evening of one act plays with the Westborough Players Club making my directorial debut and performing in one of the plays. So, you could say I have been a bit distracted. I am still getting in some good work outs and I don’t feel like I am losing any of my fitness level. I just know that I need to be well rested or I won’t be able to train in the manner I am accustomed to and that means some days I just have to take the day off.

It has been a strange time in my life. While running is still a constant so much is changing. My relationship with my kids is evolving. They obviously don’t need as much parental guidance as they once did. They are becoming adults and have no problem telling me how they feel or what they think. My wife always tells me that our job was to raise our children to be successful, happy, well rounded individuals. I think we have been successful in this regard. We always allowed them to be themselves, stressed the importance of sticking it out when they started something even if it turned out to be something they didn’t like. More importantly, we allowed them to try things and gain experiences both positive and negative.

I guess I realized that Nathan had become his own person when I got to Tulane to help him pack up to come home for the summer. He had already lined up his summer job. He had done all of his laundry, packed up his clothes, organized the rest of his things to be boxed up and was ready to come home. Back in August, his Mom was doing a majority of the work to get him ready to go off to college. The time away from home without us to make his bed, do his laundry, feed him, etc. forced him to mature into an adult. He was used to taking care of things without the help of his Mom or Dad.

The hard part for me was the realization that our relationship has changed. He still looks to me for advice on certain things. But, more often than not he tells me what he is going to do and is not looking for any commentary. We are still father and son. It is just that he doesn't need me in the same way he did when he was a little boy. I knew he was becoming an adult when he stopped asking where he came from and instead refused to tell me where he was going and what he was up to. Watching your child grow up is never easy. You want to hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. In the end though, we must let go of what they were and look ahead to what they will become when they are out there in the world on their own.

When I saw Nathan last week after being apart during his spring semester, it was obvious that he was coming home as a different person. He had experienced dorm life, ate campus food and made some really good new friends. He played intramural sports, experienced Mardis Gras, went to live music shows on Frenchmans Street and ate beignets at Cafe Du Monde. Even though he has grown up so much in this past year, I can see that he is still searching for his niche. I can see that he knows more about himself and what he wants to become even if he doesn't tell me directly. And as hard as it is to let those things we never want to let go of go, I know that letting go isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of new life and a new and wonderful relationship with my son.

I wonder how I will feel in 2 years when I am experiencing the same feelings with my daughter Mara and our nest is totally empty. I am sure I will tell myself that the job of being a parent is never done. I hope that I can be happy in knowing my wife and I have raised independent young adults, which is no easy task. If I can do that I will give myself a pat on the back for a job well done and step onto my new road in life looking forward to what is ahead.

May 1 – 10.20 miles (1:30:33, 8:53 pace)
May 2 – 6.10 miles (55:36, 9:07 pace)
May 4 – 6.20 miles (54:14, 8:45 pace)
May 6 – 6.10 miles (55:00, 9:01 pace) – Tempo Run
May 7 – 6.20 miles (57:18, 9:15 pace)
May 9 – 6.50 miles (57:05, 8:47 pace)
May 10 – 3.50 miles (27:40, 7:54 pace) – Speed Work
May 12 – 6.20 miles (50:08, 8:05 pace) – Tempo Run

Total Miles: 51.0 miles
2011 YTD Miles: 567.3 miles

Helen

On April 18, 2011, I went down to the Runner's Refuge for the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge runners at the St. John's Church in Hopkinton, MA just a few hundred feet from the starting line of the Boston Marathon. I had volunteered to help the DFMC team in any way I could plus I wanted to be there at the starting line to cheer on my friend Helen who was going to be running the race. If you have followed my blog since its inception you know that Helen and I met as part of the 2009 DFMC team. She would send me emails asking me questions about training and what to expect in her first marathon. We became fast friends which can only happen between fellow runners as we all share a passion for our sport.

I got to St. John's at 6:00 am and was assigned to be the team captain for the medical table inside the refuge. This table is where runners can pick up Vaseline, sun screen, band-aids, ibuprofen, etc. to help them prior to heading out to the starting line. I will say that I have now had conversations with complete strangers about where they may want to "lube up" that I would probably not have with even some of my closest friends. In fact, one woman walked up to me and said, “I need to get lubed up!” It took me a second to answer as I had to run through the various responses I might want to share with this runner before coming up with an appropriate response. We runners have no shame.

I kept an eye out for Helen knowing that she would not be one of the first runners through the door. When she finally showed up, we caught each other's eye and like in the old romantic movies ran across the room and hugged happy to see each other again. I will say she looked ready for the race. We chatted for a few minutes and then things began to get busy at the medical table. So, Helen headed off to chat with some other runners and to catch up with our other friend Tom.

When she came back, I asked her how her training had gone the last few weeks leading up to the race. Her response was very vague. At first I didn't think too much about it. But, as we continued to chat I suspected that something was not quite right. I can't say that I knew something was wrong. I chalked it up to her being nervous about the run and the fact that so much was happening inside the refuge that it was hard to focus. This meant that I was not able to really dig deeper as was being interrupted by runners asking questions about the race, where they could get decorations for their singlet, where to put the Vaseline, how could they prevent bleeding nipples, etc.

Soon it was time for the runners to head over to the corrals for the start of the race. I gave Helen one more big hug and wished her luck promising to be at the starting line before she headed off. Once the runners left, I quickly packed up the medical supplies so I could go out and watch the non-elite runners take off for Boston.

If you haven’t been at the starting line for the Boston Marathon, I can only describe it as a mass of amped up humanity. I finally found Helen and a bunch of the other DFMC runners. They were all pumped up and ready to go. Helen was dressed like a homeless woman. I told her she really needed to get out of the natty sweater and gardening gloves as she was frightening the other runners. There were a few chuckles from some of the DFMC team. When the start was finally announced, she reached over the corral and gave me one more hug and I told her to have a great race. I watched the DFMC team head down the hill and then headed back to the church to finish the clean up.

I still had a nagging suspicion that Helen hadn't told me everything. I decided to follow her on the BAA website. It took a while before she showed up on the tracking feed. I noticed that after they posted her half marathon time there were no further updates. I was worried. Later in the evening when she would have been done even if she had to walk the course, there was still no time posted. I never suspected that she would have not finished before they closed the course. But, that is Helen’s story to tell. You can read Helen's report here: http://10yearscancerfree.blogspot.com/.

I could take this opportunity to really get after Helen for pushing her body past the point she should have without risking serious injury. But, as a marathoner, I know how important it is to finish what you started. Plus, I know Helen respects the marathon and how it can take its toll on your body. The marathon asks a lot of a runner. Running a marathon is a humbling experience. It is a distance that teaches you something about yourself every time you run one. It is obviously a physical challenge. But, as Helen found out, it can also be a personally enlightening event. The marathon demands from you all that you have both physically and mentally. If you conquer the distance, it is a time for rejoicing but also a time for reflection on what it cost to meet that challenge. Helen knows this better than anyone after crossing the finish line this year.

As I reflected on what happened to Helen and the fact that I met one of my life's goals when I ran a 4 hour marathon in Boston, I became even more resolved to help my friend reach her goal. Helen has told me she wants to run a 5 hour marathon here in Boston. So, we have agreed that I am going to help her achieve that goal next year. We will both sign up for the DFMC team in 2012. It will be my responsibility to create a training program that will train Helen to run consistently at a pace that will allow her to reach the finish line in 5 hours or less. I know she had the willpower to do it. I know that I will be there every step of the way cheering her on. More importantly, I know that when we reach the finish line in 4:59:00, I will feel just as much satisfaction for having been able to help my friend conquer the beast that tried to crush her this year.

Apr. 17 – 10.20 miles (1:35:36, 9:22 pace)
Apr. 18 – 6.10 miles (55:06, 9:02 pace)
Apr. 19 – 3.70 miles (29:48, 8:03 pace) – Speed Work
Apr. 21 – 6.20 miles (50:20, 8:07 pace) – Tempo Run
Apr. 22 – 6.20 miles (54:43, 8:50 pace)
Apr. 24 – 10.10 miles (1:34:40, 9:22 pace)
Apr. 25 – 6.20 miles (55:50, 9:01 pace)
Apr. 26 – 3.50 miles (27:23, 7:49 pace) – Speed Work
Apr. 28 – 6.20 miles (49:56 8:03 pace) – Tempo Run
Apr. 29 – 6.30 miles (55:52, 8:52 pace)
Apr. 30 – 10.00 miles (1:28:45, 8:53 pace)

Total Miles: 74.70 miles
2011 YTD Miles: 516.3 miles