Running and Memories

This past Wednesday was Yom Kippur.  It is commonly known as the Day of Atonement for the Jewish people.  I enjoy the services on Yom Kippur.  I don't think most Jews would say the same.  On Yom Kippur, we Jews contemplate our death.  It is a day of total fasting as we do not eat or drink symbolizing that we are already gone from this Earth.   As the day wears on, we become physically feeble reminding us that youth is fleeting.  We begin to understand that eventually our bodies will wear out and we will pass on.  The suffering of aging becomes physically real.   Then as the day nears its end, we remember our dead during the Yizkor service.  It is the final moments where we prepare ourselves for our own end.  We pray fervently that it does not come for many years but we know that it is inevitable.

This year during the Yizkor service our Rabbi spoke about the pain of loss.  He talked about how he missed hearing his Mother's voice and how he wished he could see her one more time.  I have had my share of losses in this life.  Too many of my family and friends have lost their battle with cancer.  No matter how long it has been, I find myself thinking about someone who is no longer with us.  It is then that I realize that they are still a big a presence in my life and not just a faint echo from the past.  I know that each of them helped to shape my life and define who I am as a person.  I believe that the Rabbi was letting us know that we should not deny such memories or experiences because they are true moments of love, friendship, gratitude and inspiration.

At the same time, I couldn't help but feel the same way about wanting to hear their voices again.  It is a deafening silence especially when the loss is recent.  In the Jewish tradition, we remember our loved ones on the anniversary of their death (Yahrzeit).  What is especially beautiful about this tradition is that you always do it in the presence of others in the Temple.  It is at that moment that you evoke a collective memory of your loved one and provide a shared memory of a life within your congregation.  It is as if you are bringing them back to life again.  Sometimes, if I am thinking of someone in particular, I can hear them again.  Not audibly.  Deep in my soul.

Attending Temple services is not the place I usually hear them.  Although it does happen often.  Instead, it is typically during the very early morning hours when I am out on the road getting in my training miles before sunrise.  If you don't run early in the morning, you are missing how beautifully quiet it is.  There is no sound but your own breathing and footfalls.  It is at this time that memories of friends and loved ones flood back into my mind.  I am never sure who might come to mind because it is different every day.  I just know that they will be with me as I run and it makes me happy to think about the good times we shared.  Isn't that a wonderful thing?  I am sharing my run with those I loved.

So this year as  I refrained from eating or drinking for the 25 hours of Yom Kippur, I concentrated not only on prayer but reflection.  During the Yizkor services, I said the names of all of my relatives, friends, and parents of friends who are no longer with us physically.   I thought about how my next few runs would be filled with memories of those I can no longer audibly hear.  But I will hear them.  I will hear them in the silence of the morning as the sun slowly rises and its beauty fills my sight.  They will brighten my day as they are all still living in my heart.

My hope is that when we reached the end of Yom Kippur and that has G-D closed the Books of Judgment that He inscribed my name in the Book of Life for Good.  I wish all of my Jewish friends and relatives a Happy New Year, I pray that this year we will finally see peace, shalom, and salem for all of the world.

Sept. 14 – 5.10 miles (47:25, 9:18 pace)
Sept. 15 – 7.20 miles (1:07:14, 9:36 pace)
Sept. 17 – 4.10 miles (42:12, 10:18 pace) - Orlando, FL
Sept. 18 – 3.20 miles (28:36, 8:56 pace) - Ft. Worth, TX
Sept. 20 – 3.10 miles (34:28, 11:06 pace) - Theta 5K
Sept. 21 – 6.20 miles (1:01:20, 9:54 pace)
Sept. 22 – 6.20 miles (57:10, 9:13 pace)
Sept. 24 – 6.20 miles (58:44, 9:28 pace)
Sept. 25 – 5.20 miles (49:58, 9:37 pace)
Sept. 26 – 5.40 miles (1:01:50, 11:19 pace) - Trail Run
Sept. 27 – 8.10 miles (1:17:50, 9:37 pace)

Total Miles:  60.0 miles
2015 Total Miles:  1,454.9 miles

Time Flies

I cannot believe that it has been over a month since I last posted anything here.  Time just seems to get away from me.  I have been extremely busy at work and travelling a lot.  Even with all the stresses at work, I have been training hard for the Ragnar McDowell Mountain Trail Relay.  And, frankly, I have just been enjoying the last part of the summer here in Scottsdale.  Did time just get away from me?  Or am I just living life in such a way that I haven't noticed the passage of time?  The truth is I try not to focus on the passage of time and try to live in the moment.

As I get older I have noticed that I pay more attention to time.  I am constantly gauging my life by it.  Yet even with more focus, it still seems to be getting away from me.  Time seems to go much faster each year.  Living in the moment is difficult when you let the passage of time bother you.  It sometimes feels like that race clock on the side of the road ticking away/  But instead of adding time, it is counting down the time I have left.  The older I get the faster it seems to run.  If I am not careful, I suddenly wake up and it is September and I don't remember where August went.

When this happens, it seems that my life is spinning out of my control.  There is so much happening at work and home that I can't seem to control my time.  The only way that I can take hold of time and slow it down is to  find ways to force stillness in my life each day.  That is what running has become for me now.  It is a time for me to pause and let go of the stress in my life.  It is that time during my day where I try to simply embrace the now.  It gives me time to refocus my energy into thinking about what is truly important in life.

Running allows me to clear my mind of all the clutter.  It gives me a chance to take control of my thinking and ultimately grant me calmness and clarity.  As I run, I push all of the distressing thoughts out of my mind.  I am able to think more about how I can be a better father and husband and friend.  When I am able to get to this Zen like state, I start to feel a sense of relief and freedom.  With each step, I create more and more distance from the negative and my thoughts become more organized and manageable.  I feel rejuvenated when I finish my run.

I guess what it all comes down to is that I cannot stop the passage of time.  It will get away from me on occasion.  What I need to do is recognize that when my life is starting to get out of control to make the changes necessary to make it more manageable.  No matter what, deep down I know there are many things that drive me.  Work, hobbies, passions and most importantly people I want to spend more time with are what motivates me each day.  Thinking about what matters most to me is not just a lofty pursuit.  It is critical to achieving a happy life.

What to do then.  The best thing is go out for a run. These breaks from the stresses in my life will bring insight and understanding. Over time, these insights can help me to transform my life and take control.  The transformation I am striving for is a life that is simpler, less stressful, and more fulfilling.  Isn't that what we all should be looking for?

Aug. 3 – 6.10 miles (55:54, 9:10 pace)
Aug. 4 – 6.20 miles (57:03, 9:12 pace)
Aug. 6 – 6.20 miles (58:33, 9:27 pace)
Aug. 7 – 6.20 miles (55:51, 9:09 pace)
Aug. 8 – 5.10 miles (1:15:21, 9:18 pace)
Aug. 9 – 5.20 miles (1:11:05, 13:41 pace) - Trail Run
Aug. 10 – 5.10 miles (49:19, 9:41 pace)
Aug. 11 – 6.20 miles (57:03, 9:12 pace)
Aug. 13 – 6.20 miles (58:36, 9:27 pace)
Aug. 14 – 5.10 miles (53:31, 10:30 pace) - Hill Repeats
Aug. 15 – 8.10 miles (01:16:11, 9:24 pace)
Aug. 16 – 3.20 miles (34:59, 10:56 pace) - Trail Run
Aug. 17 – 6.20 miles (57:03, 9:12 pace)
Aug. 18 – 5.10 miles (45:46, 8:58 pace)
Aug. 20 – 6.20 miles (58:41, 9:28 pace)
Aug. 21 – 5.20 miles (54:35, 10:30 pace) - Hill Repeats
Aug. 22 – 8.10 miles (1:16:28, 9:26 pace)
Aug. 23 – 5.20 miles (57:56, 11:08 pace) - Trail Run
Aug. 24 – 6.10 miles (1:00:19, 9:53 pace)
Aug. 25 – 6.20 miles (57:12, 9:14 pace)
Aug. 27 – 6.20 miles (58:41, 9:28 pace)
Aug. 28 – 5.20 miles (58:08, 11:11 pace) - Hill Repeats
Aug. 29 – 9.10 miles (1:30:05, 9:54 pace)
Aug. 30 – 6.20 miles (1:08:24, 11:02 pace) - Trail Run
Sept. 3 – 6.20 miles (58:25, 9:25 pace)
Sept. 4 – 6.10 miles (1:03:21, 10:23 pace) - Hill Repeats
Sept. 5 – 9.20 miles (1:27:51, 9:33 pace)
Sept. 6 – 6.10 miles (1:15:02, 12:18 pace) - Trail Run
Sept. 7 – 6.20 miles (57:09, 9:13 pace)
Sept. 9 – 3.10 miles (29:03, 9:22 pace)
Sept. 10 – 3.10 miles (28:49, 9:18 pace)
Sept. 12 – 9.10 miles (1:27:41, 9:38 pace)
Sept. 13 – 7.10 miles (1:10:44, 9:50 pace)

Total Miles:  198.1 miles
2015 Total Miles:  1,394.9 miles