A Runner Muses about Death

I have been thinking a lot about death the past few weeks.  I guess it is because I lost two more friends to cancer this year.  But it is also because I realize that I am now past 50 years old and unless I live to be 120, like our patriarch Moses, my life is more than half over.  What a strange place to be in life – somewhere in the middle.  The thing I wonder about is when or what will ultimately cause me to shuffle off this mortal coil and join the choir invisible.  Please don’t take my contemplations as anything more than just trying to understand my place in this world and trying to see what legacy I will leave behind.   Seeing the posts on my friends Facebook pages has made me wonder if I have had a similar impact on the lives of my family, friends and acquaintances.  Have I left my mark on this world?

In Judaism it is said that it is our job while we are here on this Earth to heal, repair and transform the world.  It is thought that when God created this world he formed vessels to hold the Divine Light.  But when He poured the light into the vessels they shattered and were spread throughout the universe.  Each shard holds a spark of the Divine Light.  It is our job to find these shards and to free the spark through performing good deeds (mitzvoth) so that it can rejoin the others and rise back to the Divinity or God.  When they are all reunited the world will be filled with the Divine and be fully repaired. 

As I thought about what legacy I will leave behind, I realized that I was taught from an early age that we have to help those who cannot help themselves.  My parents both volunteered with many organizations and always included their children in their efforts.   We were taught (though not overtly) that performing good deeds would make us feel good about helping others.  As I grew up and left the nest, I too found ways to volunteer.  Many times I could only provide sweat equity when I had no money to give to help others.  As an adult I have continued to be a volunteer at my Temple, my children’s school, Scouts, etc.  I have raised money to help find a cure for cancer which continues to steal loved ones from my life.  But I sometimes think that even this is not enough.  There is so much more I could do to help to release those sparks.

Sometimes I wonder if the Divine spark that lies within me is hidden by my own egocentric tendencies.   There are times when I can feel the Divine spark nudging me to do the right thing.  I know it is there when my conscience bothers me.  What I now know is that I need to work on strengthening my soul and continue to purify my heart so that I can bear that spark within me without shattering it further.  I need to be more willing to act on what I know is right and to stay away from the din of my chattering mind and reactive emotions.  If I can do this I can build a soul that is the proper vessel for the Divine spark.  Through working towards perfecting myself , my soul and through continued service to society, I feel confident that when I leave this world it will be a better place for my having been here.

Yet having said this, I realize that there is a long time between living, and I mean really living, and the time when I will die.  I want to really live while I am trying to build that vessel within me.  So I will continue to learn and experience new things.  I will strive to be mindful of every moment and try always to live in the present moment.  And most importantly to just be thankful for what I have today – my health, my family and my many friends.  I think that as long as I make an effort to live without negative emotions to the best of my ability, I will have taken an important step.  I will work hard to avoid feeling angry, resentful, jealous, petty, depressed, paranoid, stressed, or full of worry or anxiety because when I do I am missing out on the joy life can bring.  I know it won’t be easy but I need to work to get there.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not the only person who thinks about what will happen to them when they die.  Facing my own mortality and inevitable death is perfectly normal.   When I was a child I would lie awake at night and wonder what happens when you die and I would be afraid of the unknown.  Now in my 50s, I still have a healthy fear of the end but at the same time it actually makes me happy.  In seeing friends pass away, I have come to the realization that life is precious and I want to live my life to the fullest.   As I look back on my achievements they are obviously small and probably wouldn't be noticed by anyone outside of my family.  But, I have two great kids and a wonderful wife who I'm sure will remember me long after I am gone.  And isn’t that all that really matters in the end?



Jackie Hampton



Leslee Rae Rupert



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 13 – 6.10 miles (54:31, 8:57 pace)

May 14 – 3.10 miles (24:02, 7:48 pace) – Speed Work
May 15 – 6.20 miles (55:19, 8:57 pace)
May 16 – 4.10 miles (39:56, 9:41 pace) – Hill Work
May 18 – 7.20 miles (1:04:43, 8:57 pace)
May 19 – 6.20 miles (54:43, 8:49 pace)
May 23 – 5.20 miles (46:37, 8:57 pace)
May 24 – 6.10 miles (54:29, 8:57 pace)
May 25 – 8.10 miles (1:12:18, 8:57 pace)
May 26 – 6.20 miles (56:15, 9:05 pace)
May 27 – 6.20 miles (56:36, 9:05 pace)
May 28 – 3.10 miles (23:45, 7:42 pace) – Speed Work
May 30 – 6.20 miles (54:00, 8:42 pace)
May 31 – 6.20 miles (56:18, 9:05 pace)
June 1 – 9.20 miles (1:25:50, 9:26 pace)
June 2 – 7.20 miles (1:04:37, 8:59 pace)

Total Miles:  96.6 miles

2013 Total Miles:  775.6 miles