Letting go...

I have been trying to come up with a blog post for the past two weeks. But, it has been really difficult to focus on running topics. You see this week my wife and I are taking our son Nathan to New Orleans to start college at Tulane University. Needless to say this has been top of mind as we prepare ourselves for a new phase in our life together. Our family dynamic will forever change.

It made me think about my trip to college for my freshman year. There I was thirty-one years ago sitting on a plane on my way to Dallas/Fort Worth for my first year of college. My parents had driven me to the San Diego airport with my trunk and suitcase and gave me a bug hug before putting me on the plane. As I sat there thinking about what was ahead, I felt like I was now an adult. I was emancipated from my parents and I was going to be responsible for making all my own decisions. A friend of our family picked me up at the airport for the drive over to TCU. We pulled up in front of Brachman Hall and the next thing I knew I was truly on my own in a strange place and I didn’t know anyone.

What a difference moving into college is today. Instead of dropping your child off at the airport and saying, “See you at winter break”; Bev, Mara, and I are all going down to New Orleans to be there to help Nathan move into his dorm. On Sunday we will go to receptions at various places around the Tulane Campus allowing us to see what lies ahead for our son. We will have a chance to see where he is going to live. We will meet his roommate. We will get to see where he will be going for High Holiday services. My parents did not see any of these things until they came out for Parents Weekend a full 5 or 6 weeks after I had arrived on campus. I am not sure if the move in events are more for the students or the parents.

As I reflected on leaving home and embarking on the next phase of my life, I remember how scared and excited I was at the same time. I would be able to make all of my own decisions. I could stay up as late as I wanted. I could do anything I wanted and suffer the consequences for my actions. I am not sure how my parents felt that day when they sent me off to TCU. I don’t recall either of them being particularly emotional as we said good-bye. They could have been hiding it from me so that I wouldn’t feel any trepidation about leaving. I have never asked them. But, I do know that I am a bit emotional about my son leaving home. I will do my best to not show it when we say that final good-bye on Sunday evening.

I am sure that Nathan is feeling many of the same feelings I felt those many years ago. The big difference is that I am looking at it from the other side this time. I am having to let Nathan go. I know that he will not only get a great education at Tulane but he will also have many new adventures during his four years there. My hope is that we raised him well and that any trouble he gets into will be minor. I also hope that he will meet some great people and gain lifelong friends like I did during my years at TCU. I really do enjoy seeing the excitement on his face when he talks about living in New Orleans and going away to school. It makes me believe that when I see him next, he will be more mature and have started to find his own niche in the world.

My other hope is that even though Nathan is not going to be part of the Tulane Cross Country or Track Team that he keeps running. When I was his age, I really didn’t like to run at all. It wasn’t until I moved back to Fort Worth from Las Vegas in 1986 that I took up running in hopes of trying to stay in shape. Little did I know that it would become a life long passion. Nathan does love running and I know that he will continue to run while at Tulane. He may even join the school’s running club. It is probably selfish of me to want him to stick to it. The main reason is that I really want to run a marathon with him some day. He always says that he is a sprinter and would never be able to run a marathon. I felt the same way when I signed up for my first marathon. I know that if he puts his mind to it, he can finish a marathon and in a much faster time than his old man. What will make it special for me regardless of how much faster he is will be the fact that we conquered the distance together.

Nathan and I had some great adventures over the past 19 years. I really appreciated the fact that he was willing to share all of his Scouting years with me. It is now time to let him go off and have his own adventures. It will be my job now to sit back and enjoy hearing his stories. What I need to do now is recognize who he has become and find solace in the fact that Bev and I helped him become the man he is today. I will admit here that when we do leave him on Sunday I may shed a few tears. But, I need to remember to celebrate the moment and the successful young man we are leaving behind. My mother is really fond of our Native American culture. There is a Navajo proverb that says: "We raise our children to leave us." What we have to understand is that the penultimate moment of parenting is when your child sets off on his own in a confident manner. He couldn’t have done it without our guidance. I will miss him. But, at the same time, I wouldn’t want it any other way.