Am I happy?

A while back, I was talking with my sister on the phone.  I was telling her about my experience running the Dopey Challenge.  She said, “you are always smiling in your pictures and seem to be genuinely having fun in your life.”  I thought to myself, “is that an illusion or am I really happy overall in my life?”  I would say that true happiness isn't always something large or thrilling.  Instead it is really the small things in life that lead to happiness.  For me those small things include a full moon shining on me in the early morning, a smile on the faces of family and friends who I love and the ability to go out and challenge myself both physically and mentally each and every day.  Those things are what bring a smile to my face.  These everyday little joys, all lined up are what make me truly happy and help to give me the purpose by which I lead my life. 

Running has been a huge part of my life since 1985.  It is the one thing that I do each day for myself.  It allows me to perpetually improve myself physically and is one of the keys of my success.  I train to keep myself mentally alert and prepare for the day ahead.  At the same time, I take pride in getting better and better each week.  I have found that by constantly finding new challenges in racing that I can still find joy in each and every day I am still able to run and race.  Surprisingly this pursuit of constant improvement has allowed me to conquer each challenge I put in front of me and not just in running.  Each thing that I am able to complete whether it is meeting my goals or not is still fulfilling and adds to my happiness.

By not taking life too seriously, I am able to enjoy where I am on my life’s journey.  I never get offended easily.  I try not to over-analyze or complicate matters.  Plus I am the first one to laugh at my own faults and mistakes.  I try to tell those around me that life is too short to be so serious all the time.  I have found that if you can find the humor in any situation there is nothing that can bring you down.  As Mark Twain said, “Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” 

It is not always easy to see the good in everything.  Therefore I strive not to live for tomorrow but for today.  More importantly I don’t like to rehash bad things that happened in the past.  Each day I get up and go for a run.  It doesn’t matter what happened on my run yesterday or the day before.  Each day is a new opportunity, a new chapter and another chance to have a great run.  I told my sister during our conversation that I really try to live in the now.  I have found that this allows me to get the most enjoyment out of every moment.

I strive to say yes to new things.  I never shy away from new opportunities, challenges, races or anything that may seem like it could be new and unique experience.  As I said, life’s simply too short.  If life’s too short then I have to avoid letting things get me down.  I try to never take anything for granted.  I know that I am far from perfect and need to recognize that I never will be perfect.  This allows me to look back on almost every race I have run and say that it was simply a moment in time.  And while not every run is perfect, just completing the race is an accomplishment in itself.  With that knowledge, I can appreciate where I am.  By being able to make peace with where I am, each day of my life feels much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.

As I sat down to write this piece, I was reminded of one of the most unusual churches in the world - Our Lady of the Conception of the Capuchins.  If I ever get a chance to visit Rome, I plan to visit this church which is known for its over 4,000 skeletons of friars.   It is said that these skeletons should not be seen as something dark and morbid but as a reminder of our own mortality.  It is a visual and physical reminder that life is short.  In the church there is a quote that translates as “What you are now, we once were; what we are now, you shall be.”  For me this is a reminder of why I strive each day to make the best of what comes my way.  It reminds me that one day I will be accountable before God for all that I have done.  Therefore, it makes no sense to waste the precious time that has been allotted to me.  I must try to use my time to do good, to love others and try to be happy.

As I get up each day and go out for my morning training run, I find ask myself the question – “Am I making a difference? Am I doing all that I can to help others? Am I a good man?”  I know I will never know the true answer to these questions.  However, I do know that happiness and meaning in my life will only have meaning if I make it so. 

June 3 – 5.48 miles (1:02:15, 11:22 pace) – Hill Repeats
June 4 – 3.10 miles (26:08, 8:26 pace) – Speed Work
June 5 – 1.50 miles (13:06, 8:44 pace)
June 6 – 8.70 miles (1:13:21, 8:26 pace) – Tempo Run
June 7 – 5.10 miles (45:53, 9:00 pace)
June 8 – 10.10 miles (1:32:20, 9:09 pace)
June 9 – 9.30 miles (1:26:07, 9:16 pace)
June 10 – 5.00 miles (56:49, 10:22 pace) – Hill Repeats
June 11 – 6.30 miles (53:16, 8:27 pace) – Speed Work
June 12 – 1.10 miles (10:24, 9:28 pace)
June 13 – 5.10 miles (44:34, 8:44 pace) – Tempo Run
June 14 – 5.10 miles (46:54, 9:12 pace)
June 15 – 10.10 miles (1:33:04, 9:13 pace) – Speed Work
June 16 – 9.30 miles (1:26:43, 9:19 pace)
June 17 – 5.10 miles (50:53, 9:58 pace)
June 18 – 3.10 miles (23:19, 7:31 pace) – Speed Work
June 19 – 1.10 miles (9:15, 8:24 pace)
June 20 – 5.10 miles (40:51, 8:01 pace) – Tempo Run
June 21 – 4.10 miles (38:28, 9:23 pace)
June 22 – 10.10 miles (1:35:46, 9:29 pace)
June 23 – 7.50 miles (1:09:11, 9:13 pace)
June 24 – 4.30 miles (47:12, 10:59 pace) – Hill Repeats
June 25 – 6.30 miles (53:14, 8:27 pace) – Speed Work
June 26 – 2.00 miles (17:50, 8:55 pace)
June 27 – 8.30 miles (1:10:50, 8:32 pace) – Tempo Run
June 28 – 2.10 miles (18:03, 8:36 pace)
June 29 – 10.50 miles (1:38:01, 9:20 pace)
June 30 – 9.30 miles (1:27:35, 9:25 pace)
July 1 – 4.50 miles (49:49, 11:05 pace) – Hill Repeats
July 2 – 6.40 miles (53:52, 8:25 pace) – Speed Work
July 3 – 2.00 miles (8:16, 9:09 pace) – Hill Repeats
July 4 – 5.10 miles (44:28, 8:43 pace)
July 5 – 8.30 miles (1:10:41, 8:31 pace) – Tempo Run
July 6 – 8.10 miles (1:15:33, 9:20 pace)
July 7 – 8.40 miles (1:17:47, 9:16 pace)

Total Miles:  206.98 miles
2019 Total Miles:  711.10 miles